Saturday, July 28, 2007

Quicky Post

We're in the homestretch of the Season of Change here a Chez JB. Peanut and I will be moving in the next month. That means a lot of packing, decluttering, cleaning and destashing...and purging. There, I said it. A good portion has already been completed and now I just have Peanut's and the spare room to tackle. Looks like we'll be going from 1980 sq ft to 900 sq ft. It's a good thing. Wake Me Up When September Ends has been on a mental repeat. It's definitely my mantra for the Summer.

I finally finished knitting the felted clogs for my dear friend, Jenn. Good thing I took so long with them, though. They were on vacation last week and came home to find a brass fitting had cut into the plastic pipe that feeds water to the the upstairs bathroom...3 days before. They have a quad, so it's been an interesting spread of water damage. They are fully insured, but it's been a very emotional thing to work through for them. So, if I'd previously given her the clogs, they probably would have been ruined...along with her three favorite wool sweaters. I found a cute raglan pattern in the Knitty archives that I might try to do up for her to replace one of them. The restorers are working on the two irreplaceable items damaged: her Grandmother's antique table and their wedding album. They know they're lucky to have a home and that the damage wasn't worse, but it still sucks to watch her go through it all.

Peanut's off to spend the day with her cousins and to give me a much needed mini-break. First thing I plan on doing it showering...alone. She's been keeping vigil on the side of the tub if I do it while she's awake. She's super excited about the move, but I know she's had a lot to deal with over the past year and we're treading lightly. I have seen a great deal of improvement in her acting out and odd behavior since switching to the new school. That's a huge relief. I think she'll be back to "normal" once the move is over and we're in a new routine....right about the time September ends. See?

I'm working on knitting socks for FNJ. She's been amazing and I don't know if we would have weathered everything as well as we have without her. I'm using Tofutsies yarn and 2mm needles. Man, they are working up slllllooowwwww. I'm getting something like 10.5 - 11 stitches per inch. Nothing like jumping in head first with tiny needles and thin yarn for my first pair of adult socks. I'm doing a toe-up sock with beaded rib. No photos as of yet, but FNJ just loves what I've knit so far. I don't know that I'll knit with Tofutsies again. It's really splitty and I guess with the way I knit, one strand kind of bunches's annoying. I love the fabric, just not the hassle.

I need to get a cake in the oven. One of the little dudes next door is having his birthday party today. His actual birthday was yesterday. Peanut and I got him a little digital camera. I'm excited to say that he was just as geeked about that as the DS mom & dad got him. Excellent gift idea for a seven year old.

Thanks for checking in!

Friday, July 06, 2007


On July 5, 2003 at 1:50 p.m., we were married.
On July 5, 2007 at 1:50 p.m., we were divorced.
I'm still laughing at that. What are the chances??

This post is about blessings.

I am blessed with a beautiful child that I would not have had I not been married. A child that continuously teaches me about patience and the wonder of the world. A child that for all of her "I can do it myself" statements throughout the day, still cries for her mama at night. A child that softly snores while snuggled in bed with me. A child that reminds me daily that I'm beautiful and that she loves me, all without prompting. I've come to decide that she will be the only child I will ever have and I am thankful for her.

I am blessed with the wisdom to know better for next time and to pay more attention to those annoying red flags. They are red for a reason.

I am blessed to have lived through some tough times and come out knowing that there's a lot of truth in the sayings, "This too shall pass." "Everything happens for a reason." and "It all works out in the end." It may not be apparent at the time, but it will be eventually. I am blessed with the patience to not worry about things I have no control over until there's something I can do to change it. No need to waste my energy on it.

I am blessed with an amazing family. A familythat would love to say, "I told you so." But says, We love you and we are proud of you, instead.

I am blessed with an even more amazing inner circle of friends. Friends who drop everything to come to my aid. Friends that insist you become part of their family and get miffed when you don't understand that you're always invited to everything without being told. Friends that use the key to your house to sneak in to decorate it. Friends who make sure the evening of your divorce is jam packed with lots of fun. Friends that celebrate an event that is usually considered sad. Friends that are quick with a hug or a beer, if necessary. I've never been more understanding of "You find out who your friends are..." than in the last 9 months.

I am so blessed.

There is no hate. There are no angry feelings anymore. Time heals all wounds (another truth for sure) and my time to be still has passed. In fact, I feel nothing. It's such an odd place to be. There's no love, no hate, just nothing. As odd as it is, it's a wonderful place to be. I've worked hard to be here and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm practicing saying "ex-husband" rather than "husband", it's a habit that I know will be broken quickly. As a part of my identity (wife) goes away, part of me that I lost four years ago has come back brighter than ever. Music is sweeter again. Driving is fun again. Laughing is easier again. At least three people have told me that the Janette that they've known and loved for years is back and they've missed her dearly. I've missed her too. I feel like years have been lifted and I'm younger.

Phase I - the Breakup is complete. I've weathered it with my grace and dignity intact. I've set a good example for my child and I'm proud of myself. That's what's most important, I'm so proud of myself. And thankful for the friends and family who were kind enough to know when I needed a hug or a get yourself together lecture. Thankful for those that didn't back down when I pushed back. So thankful for those that knew I needed to be checked on daily. That I needed to be surrounded by the love of their families and distraction of joyful encounters.

I am thankful for those who are taking another look at our relationship and realizing it is much more than just a friendship.

I am blessed and I so am thankful for my life.