Blessings

On July 5, 2003 at 1:50 p.m., we were married.
On July 5, 2007 at 1:50 p.m., we were divorced.
I'm still laughing at that. What are the chances??

This post is about blessings.

I am blessed with a beautiful child that I would not have had I not been married. A child that continuously teaches me about patience and the wonder of the world. A child that for all of her "I can do it myself" statements throughout the day, still cries for her mama at night. A child that softly snores while snuggled in bed with me. A child that reminds me daily that I'm beautiful and that she loves me, all without prompting. I've come to decide that she will be the only child I will ever have and I am thankful for her.

I am blessed with the wisdom to know better for next time and to pay more attention to those annoying red flags. They are red for a reason.

I am blessed to have lived through some tough times and come out knowing that there's a lot of truth in the sayings, "This too shall pass." "Everything happens for a reason." and "It all works out in the end." It may not be apparent at the time, but it will be eventually. I am blessed with the patience to not worry about things I have no control over until there's something I can do to change it. No need to waste my energy on it.

I am blessed with an amazing family. A familythat would love to say, "I told you so." But says, We love you and we are proud of you, instead.

I am blessed with an even more amazing inner circle of friends. Friends who drop everything to come to my aid. Friends that insist you become part of their family and get miffed when you don't understand that you're always invited to everything without being told. Friends that use the key to your house to sneak in to decorate it. Friends who make sure the evening of your divorce is jam packed with lots of fun. Friends that celebrate an event that is usually considered sad. Friends that are quick with a hug or a beer, if necessary. I've never been more understanding of "You find out who your friends are..." than in the last 9 months.

I am so blessed.

There is no hate. There are no angry feelings anymore. Time heals all wounds (another truth for sure) and my time to be still has passed. In fact, I feel nothing. It's such an odd place to be. There's no love, no hate, just nothing. As odd as it is, it's a wonderful place to be. I've worked hard to be here and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm practicing saying "ex-husband" rather than "husband", it's a habit that I know will be broken quickly. As a part of my identity (wife) goes away, part of me that I lost four years ago has come back brighter than ever. Music is sweeter again. Driving is fun again. Laughing is easier again. At least three people have told me that the Janette that they've known and loved for years is back and they've missed her dearly. I've missed her too. I feel like years have been lifted and I'm younger.

Phase I - the Breakup is complete. I've weathered it with my grace and dignity intact. I've set a good example for my child and I'm proud of myself. That's what's most important, I'm so proud of myself. And thankful for the friends and family who were kind enough to know when I needed a hug or a get yourself together lecture. Thankful for those that didn't back down when I pushed back. So thankful for those that knew I needed to be checked on daily. That I needed to be surrounded by the love of their families and distraction of joyful encounters.

I am thankful for those who are taking another look at our relationship and realizing it is much more than just a friendship.

I am blessed and I so am thankful for my life.

12 Days and Counting....

I have my day in court on the 28th. It can't come soon enough. I'm so over all of the emotional crap and this is just the last stop in the journey to divorce. I might even have a little summer fling ready to start soon after. Nothing serious, just someone coming out of the woodwork after a long time. Surprising to me, really...but the best things tend to be that way, right? As my good friends say, I deserve someone nice who will treat me with respect. After all the drama, I'm so game for that. We'll see what happens.

I finished another hat for Dulaan. I'm working on a third. I have photos, but they're trapped in the camera. All the USB ports are in use backing up data and charging Grace at the moment.

The last two weeks have been kind of upside down here. Peanut's school had to unexpectedly close. As if the poor kid wasn't dealing with enough change right now. I had to do an unplanned day care center tour of all those close by. In the end, she was the one that chose which facility to switch to. None of them offered everything I wanted and they each had their own cons. She's super excited to start at her new school and she already has a little friend that attends there. It's quite a bit more for her to go there, but we always make do with making the budget work. It's a much better program education-wise and they also make sure to include community service work in their curriculum. That was a big selling point with me.

I'll close with a photo from our last trip to the zoo. They're opening a new giraffe viewing area where you can feed them crackers. I'm hoping we can get back again soon to see that.

Settling Dust

Wow! What a crazy few weeks it's been. I don't think it'll truly end until this weekend, either. Lots of BIG plans for this weekend!!

Peanut has continued with her swim classes. I swear she's part mermaid. At her second class, she didn't bother to wait for the teacher to come back to give her another turn at trying to swim. She hopped right off the side of the pool and into the water. They pulled her out and she acted like it was no big deal and she did it every day.

We participated in WalkAmerica on Sunday with our family team. This year we raised $1,170! That brings our 3 year total to over $5,000. I am in total awe of that. That's just a few of my friends and family. The March of Dimes is near and dear to my heart. I know for a fact that if it weren't for them, I would not have the pleasure of being a mom to Peanut. Walking 3 miles and bugging people for money once a year is the very least I can do. (Also my 007 April Photo)

Not a whole lot has been going on with the knitting. I get in a few rows here and there. Mickey is still coming along. I'm about 1/3 of the way through it. It really doesn't look any different, so I'll spare you the photo. Erin and I start the Clapotis KAL on Thursday. It's my birthday and it's all about second chances. 30 was my year of transition. 31 is my year to start enjoying life again.

Speaking of enjoying things again...I've started branching out from SpongeBob in the evenings. Of course, I returned to The Sopranos when it came back. It should be an interesting ending. I've also become addicted to The Tudors. That totally feeds right into my love for history and trashy romance novels. Well, I'm a reformed trashy romance novel reader. I have a total crush on George from The Hour. Smart, cute and hip. Yeah..I think I'd make a run for the border for him. Big Love is returning in June. I can't wait to see where they take that show. The Easter Bunny brought me Season 1. I'm planning to rewatch it before it comes back. Dexter won't be back until October.

That's it from here. Thanks for checking in. My good news from before was compounded with even better news (about something totally different). I'm still not ready to share, but I will as soon as I can.

To apologize for the tease, here's a Peanut photo. That's wool in her hand from a freshly shorn sheep. When you ask her what they do with the sheep's hair she'll reply, "Um, make it into yarn!"

All Grown Up

Peanut got her very first haircut this week. I think these photos say it all...

We've been sidelined at home today originally with pink eye and then a stomach bug scare this afternoon. Turns out the fever may be due to a molar making it's way in. The upset tummy due to the new Tylenol melt away tabs she got for the first time. I thought she was all done getting teeth in. Guess I need to turn in my mommy card.

New FO photos coming soon. I promise!

007 Snap A Dozen Days

I've decided to join Stephanie's 007 Snap A Dozen Days challenge. 2007 will be a year of a lot of changes for me and my family, so it'll be cool to have a record of it. I found out about the project through WoolWinder.

While her January photo is about reflection, mine is about focus. In January, I started to focus on me. I took this photo while waiting for Jennifer to finish up at the Blackjack table on my recent casino trip. Pictured are my new iPod and my new KnitPicks bag. What I see is a visual representation of my growth. While I enjoy quiet time alone, I've never been one to want to be in public alone. In college, I would never have considered going to the dining hall alone. It just wasn't something I could do. Now, with the breakup and Peanut having regular visits with her dad, I have a lot of opportunity to learn to do things alone and enjoy them. The 90 mins spent in the hotel lobby was the first time I truly enjoyed being alone in a busy place. Despite recent ridicule that my hobby and blog are only enjoyed by "old women sitting around", I find a lot of peace in it. The hat pictured will soon be worn by a baby that is too small for anything but medical tubing and needles to keep him alive. The hat will bring him and his family comfort. It brings me a lot of satisfaction to know that I was able to use something I enjoy to bring them some joy. Also, in January I made some pretty big lifestyle changes for Peanut and I. We're changing our relationship with food and it's bettering the both of us. I'm down 15 lbs and she's limited to McDonald's to just once a week at school. We're both drinking more water and I'm not buying the crap I used to. I'm focusing on bettering her and I. With her I'm building the foundation for a healthy life. With me, I'm changing a lifetime of bad habits. Every 1000 mile journey starts with a small step.

I got a notice from Logan's family that he came through the surgery beautifully. The next 48 hours will be rough as he recovers, but his doctors are very optimistic about his recovery. I'll post additional updates as they come through. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. His family is incredibly grateful for the outpouring of support.