Friday, July 06, 2007

Blessings

On July 5, 2003 at 1:50 p.m., we were married.
On July 5, 2007 at 1:50 p.m., we were divorced.
I'm still laughing at that. What are the chances??

This post is about blessings.

I am blessed with a beautiful child that I would not have had I not been married. A child that continuously teaches me about patience and the wonder of the world. A child that for all of her "I can do it myself" statements throughout the day, still cries for her mama at night. A child that softly snores while snuggled in bed with me. A child that reminds me daily that I'm beautiful and that she loves me, all without prompting. I've come to decide that she will be the only child I will ever have and I am thankful for her.

I am blessed with the wisdom to know better for next time and to pay more attention to those annoying red flags. They are red for a reason.

I am blessed to have lived through some tough times and come out knowing that there's a lot of truth in the sayings, "This too shall pass." "Everything happens for a reason." and "It all works out in the end." It may not be apparent at the time, but it will be eventually. I am blessed with the patience to not worry about things I have no control over until there's something I can do to change it. No need to waste my energy on it.

I am blessed with an amazing family. A familythat would love to say, "I told you so." But says, We love you and we are proud of you, instead.

I am blessed with an even more amazing inner circle of friends. Friends who drop everything to come to my aid. Friends that insist you become part of their family and get miffed when you don't understand that you're always invited to everything without being told. Friends that use the key to your house to sneak in to decorate it. Friends who make sure the evening of your divorce is jam packed with lots of fun. Friends that celebrate an event that is usually considered sad. Friends that are quick with a hug or a beer, if necessary. I've never been more understanding of "You find out who your friends are..." than in the last 9 months.

I am so blessed.

There is no hate. There are no angry feelings anymore. Time heals all wounds (another truth for sure) and my time to be still has passed. In fact, I feel nothing. It's such an odd place to be. There's no love, no hate, just nothing. As odd as it is, it's a wonderful place to be. I've worked hard to be here and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm practicing saying "ex-husband" rather than "husband", it's a habit that I know will be broken quickly. As a part of my identity (wife) goes away, part of me that I lost four years ago has come back brighter than ever. Music is sweeter again. Driving is fun again. Laughing is easier again. At least three people have told me that the Janette that they've known and loved for years is back and they've missed her dearly. I've missed her too. I feel like years have been lifted and I'm younger.

Phase I - the Breakup is complete. I've weathered it with my grace and dignity intact. I've set a good example for my child and I'm proud of myself. That's what's most important, I'm so proud of myself. And thankful for the friends and family who were kind enough to know when I needed a hug or a get yourself together lecture. Thankful for those that didn't back down when I pushed back. So thankful for those that knew I needed to be checked on daily. That I needed to be surrounded by the love of their families and distraction of joyful encounters.

I am thankful for those who are taking another look at our relationship and realizing it is much more than just a friendship.

I am blessed and I so am thankful for my life.

5 comments:

Amby said...

Good for you and congratulations on finding yourself again!

Mimi said...

Well done my dear well done.

Mary said...

You are an inspiration. What a classy lady you are. You held your head high, lived through this nightmare with great dignity, and set a wonderful example for your daughter. All the very best to you as your life progresses in this positive direction.

Rhonda said...

Dittos on what Mary said!
The best is yet to come!
You can do this!

Laura said...

I'm so happy and proud for you and I'm Blessed that you're my friend. Thank you for this great post - it really made my day to see how things are looking from your spot right now. :)

LOVE Shedir, love the swimming certificate, LOVE the 1st day of school picture. hehehe