This is what 4 looks like...

Peanut and The Monkees share the same birthday. I always forget to ask what time they were born.

The celebration of 4 started with a party at Peanut's dad's house and they visited Build A Bear. She came home with a pretty new pink bear. It has been given the honor of residing in her bed without her shoes.

The party continued when she got home with the party with my immediate family. I think she was happy with the Princess cake by way of Costco.

Tuesday, was her actual birthday. She took cupcakes & frosting to school to have a snack that they could decorate first. I picked her up early to go have dinner at Big Boy with Gram and Aunt Peanut. Big Boy is her new favorite restaurant for some reason. She chose to have hotcakes with apples & whipped cream for dinner. It was her birthday and she was allowed to choose to have whatever she wanted. That's the point of birthday dinners, right? That was followed up with a giant chocolate ice cream and carmel sauce sundae. Before she slipped into a sugar coma, we headed to Chuck E Cheese for a couple of hours.

40 hrs later, we were on a train headed for Chicago. This was a trip I'd been planning for seven months with one of my best friends from CMU. Her little guy turned 4 on 9/30, so it was a birthday present to both of them. We headed to Shedd Aquarium on Friday. She was most excited about the dolphins and beluga whales. She fell asleep on the city bus on the way back to the hotel and I had a really hard time waking her. I'd say she definitely enjoyed the aquarium.

On Saturday, we visited the Children's Museum on Navy Pier. What an awesome place! We had the best time there. We spent the afternoon on Navy Pier and finished up the day on the Magnificent Mile. I thought she would faint from the Princess display at the Disney store. Here she is modeling her new jammies and dolls from the day.

Peanut's other big birthday gift was a Leapster. The kid loves this thing more than I could have imagined. She's pretty good about only playing it for 30 mins or so at a time.

The last year has been tough on us both and I think we've weathered it well. She's recently snapped out of a phase where I affectionately referred to her as "The Devil". I was worried it was never going to end, but it did and I am so thankful for the sweet little girl that has emerged. While I'm sad that she's growing up so quick, I'm excited for the little person she's becoming. I can't wait to see what other adventures are in store for us, but I'm thrilled to have her to share them with.

Yeah for September!!

I am thrilled to say we’re settling in fabulously into the new apartment. Peanut loves it and actually cries when we go back to visit our old neighbors because she thinks we’re going back to the house. Each time we pull into the apartment complex she chirps “Yeah! New Apartment!!” from the back seat. She and I put up some of the wall stickers we bought earlier this summer to decorate her room. They are super cute and have made a big difference. We’ve found that the balcony is the perfect place for blowing bubbles.

As much as I’ve talked about the how wonderful my dear former neighbors are, it’s been really hard to not talk about the bad things. Not about the neighbors, but people involved with the house. It’s taken a great deal of self control to not say things that would enflame the situation. There’s a lot of biting my tongue going on and my tongue is nearly bitten off. I have never, in my life met a more rude, mean spirited person. With the information I found today, I can now add greedy. I don’t know how I’m surprised by this considering I found out recently that she took the neighbor kids to court for playing in the street. She lost and now has a PPO in place that she cannot even drive down specific areas of the neighborhood. I know that I have scored major brownie points by being the better person and not sinking to her level, but I hope the Good Lord realizes the amount of strength it’s taken to do this. No wonder I’m getting 10 spi on the sock I’m knitting.

I cast on for a scarf for Aunt Peanut. She was promised a lace scarf nearly two years ago. I even bought some beautiful Elann Peruvian Baby Cashmere in this eggplant color. It’s like butter. I cast on for Branching Out, but doing the repeat twice over for double width. Monday night, I pulled it out. I hated it. I grabbed a new ball and cast on for Wendy’s Flickering Flames Scarf. I don’t know if I’ve made a mistake or I just need to learn to trust the pattern…but I’m not far enough along with it to pass judgment yet. I’m hoping to have this done in time to give it to her for her birthday in October.

I’ve also been working on a mini afghan for BFF’s mom. She collects dolls and has a smaller sized chair that one of them sits in. She wanted a mini throw to drape on the back. I’m doing a feather and fan pattern with some acrylic baby yarn in a cream color. As soon as I can find the book I got the pattern from to get the ending rows, I’ll be done with it. I think she’s going to love it.

What I’m most excited about right now is bowling. A group of us have formed a team and signed up for a league at the local bowling alley. It’s every other Saturday and Peanut’s Dad has been kind enough to switch his visits to correspond with my bowling nights. I’ve always wanted to do a bowling league and I think it’s going to be a blast. I’m hoping Santa will bring me my own ball for Christmas!

Thanks for hanging in there with me, even through the photo-less posts. Photos will return soon, I promise. I have a good idea as to where the camera and the cable for it are. Now I just need to find the time to put them together with the computer.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams

That pretty much sums up the last few years. And I think it's my new philosophy for the next year. Every part of my life is crazy right now. Must be a full moon with high tides because Peanut has become difficult, 24x7. In talking with my friends with kids her age, it's not just her. It doesn't help, but it makes me feel better about holding off on that exorcism. We're in the middle of sorting, purging, packing, moving. It's a little overwhelming at the moment. Work is crazy as we migrate from Novell to AD and Notes to Outlook. It's a lot to handle right now. So many, many changes.

Three weeks ago, I had my first date since early 2002. It was fun. We saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I was having a particularly cute day...and it was good. Very good. We're kind of letting things play out as they will. I don't have a life plan and with the divorce only having been final a month, I'm really just looking for someone to go out with here and there.....but I have to admit, I had forgotten how much fun a good kiss can be. :)

The last two weeks have been tough. Each time I think I'm nearing the end of the bad crap, something new piles up. I'm dealing with it by just going through each day and kind of living with blinders on. It's too much to think about all at once...and I will certainly be buying a Mega Millions ticket. All of the crap could magically go away with a winning ticket. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure would buy some peace of mind. Well, and a 2007 Ford Shelby GT 500 Mustang. Santa, if you're reading my blog, I'm not picky. I'll take the Vista blue coupe with the white stripes. Or whatever...

We move this weekend. As I was promised, this will be the easiest move I ever make. Peanut's room was painted last weekend (Storybook Purple) and the cable guy was out on Tuesday. (We got a DVR!!) I'm really looking forward to some quite time on the new balcony. The cavalry comes in Saturday afternoon to move the furniture. I'm expecting to have 90% of the boxes moved on Friday. Saturday night will be spent eating pizza and drinking lots of beers in the new place with good friends. I shouldn't label them "good friends" they are "Great friends". More like family than friends, really. And I am thankful for them.

Quicky Post

We're in the homestretch of the Season of Change here a Chez JB. Peanut and I will be moving in the next month. That means a lot of packing, decluttering, cleaning and destashing...and purging. There, I said it. A good portion has already been completed and now I just have Peanut's and the spare room to tackle. Looks like we'll be going from 1980 sq ft to 900 sq ft. It's a good thing. Wake Me Up When September Ends has been on a mental repeat. It's definitely my mantra for the Summer.

I finally finished knitting the felted clogs for my dear friend, Jenn. Good thing I took so long with them, though. They were on vacation last week and came home to find a brass fitting had cut into the plastic pipe that feeds water to the toilet...in the upstairs bathroom...3 days before. They have a quad, so it's been an interesting spread of water damage. They are fully insured, but it's been a very emotional thing to work through for them. So, if I'd previously given her the clogs, they probably would have been ruined...along with her three favorite wool sweaters. I found a cute raglan pattern in the Knitty archives that I might try to do up for her to replace one of them. The restorers are working on the two irreplaceable items damaged: her Grandmother's antique table and their wedding album. They know they're lucky to have a home and that the damage wasn't worse, but it still sucks to watch her go through it all.

Peanut's off to spend the day with her cousins and to give me a much needed mini-break. First thing I plan on doing it showering...alone. She's been keeping vigil on the side of the tub if I do it while she's awake. She's super excited about the move, but I know she's had a lot to deal with over the past year and we're treading lightly. I have seen a great deal of improvement in her acting out and odd behavior since switching to the new school. That's a huge relief. I think she'll be back to "normal" once the move is over and we're in a new routine....right about the time September ends. See?

I'm working on knitting socks for FNJ. She's been amazing and I don't know if we would have weathered everything as well as we have without her. I'm using Tofutsies yarn and 2mm needles. Man, they are working up slllllooowwwww. I'm getting something like 10.5 - 11 stitches per inch. Nothing like jumping in head first with tiny needles and thin yarn for my first pair of adult socks. I'm doing a toe-up sock with beaded rib. No photos as of yet, but FNJ just loves what I've knit so far. I don't know that I'll knit with Tofutsies again. It's really splitty and I guess with the way I knit, one strand kind of bunches up...it's annoying. I love the fabric, just not the hassle.

I need to get a cake in the oven. One of the little dudes next door is having his birthday party today. His actual birthday was yesterday. Peanut and I got him a little digital camera. I'm excited to say that he was just as geeked about that as the DS mom & dad got him. Excellent gift idea for a seven year old.

Thanks for checking in!

Blessings

On July 5, 2003 at 1:50 p.m., we were married.
On July 5, 2007 at 1:50 p.m., we were divorced.
I'm still laughing at that. What are the chances??

This post is about blessings.

I am blessed with a beautiful child that I would not have had I not been married. A child that continuously teaches me about patience and the wonder of the world. A child that for all of her "I can do it myself" statements throughout the day, still cries for her mama at night. A child that softly snores while snuggled in bed with me. A child that reminds me daily that I'm beautiful and that she loves me, all without prompting. I've come to decide that she will be the only child I will ever have and I am thankful for her.

I am blessed with the wisdom to know better for next time and to pay more attention to those annoying red flags. They are red for a reason.

I am blessed to have lived through some tough times and come out knowing that there's a lot of truth in the sayings, "This too shall pass." "Everything happens for a reason." and "It all works out in the end." It may not be apparent at the time, but it will be eventually. I am blessed with the patience to not worry about things I have no control over until there's something I can do to change it. No need to waste my energy on it.

I am blessed with an amazing family. A familythat would love to say, "I told you so." But says, We love you and we are proud of you, instead.

I am blessed with an even more amazing inner circle of friends. Friends who drop everything to come to my aid. Friends that insist you become part of their family and get miffed when you don't understand that you're always invited to everything without being told. Friends that use the key to your house to sneak in to decorate it. Friends who make sure the evening of your divorce is jam packed with lots of fun. Friends that celebrate an event that is usually considered sad. Friends that are quick with a hug or a beer, if necessary. I've never been more understanding of "You find out who your friends are..." than in the last 9 months.

I am so blessed.

There is no hate. There are no angry feelings anymore. Time heals all wounds (another truth for sure) and my time to be still has passed. In fact, I feel nothing. It's such an odd place to be. There's no love, no hate, just nothing. As odd as it is, it's a wonderful place to be. I've worked hard to be here and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm practicing saying "ex-husband" rather than "husband", it's a habit that I know will be broken quickly. As a part of my identity (wife) goes away, part of me that I lost four years ago has come back brighter than ever. Music is sweeter again. Driving is fun again. Laughing is easier again. At least three people have told me that the Janette that they've known and loved for years is back and they've missed her dearly. I've missed her too. I feel like years have been lifted and I'm younger.

Phase I - the Breakup is complete. I've weathered it with my grace and dignity intact. I've set a good example for my child and I'm proud of myself. That's what's most important, I'm so proud of myself. And thankful for the friends and family who were kind enough to know when I needed a hug or a get yourself together lecture. Thankful for those that didn't back down when I pushed back. So thankful for those that knew I needed to be checked on daily. That I needed to be surrounded by the love of their families and distraction of joyful encounters.

I am thankful for those who are taking another look at our relationship and realizing it is much more than just a friendship.

I am blessed and I so am thankful for my life.

Shedir is Shedone!!

It only took me 8 months, but I finally finished Shedir this morning. It's definitely the most complex pattern I've completed to date. It was the first time I've yanked the needles out of something other than stockinette and ripped back. About 10 rows had to be undone because I opted to only follow one line of the pattern when it came to shuffling stitches around. Some of the double decreases could be a little smoother, but I'm quite proud of it. I used the Rowan Calmer the pattern called for, but in an off white color. I bought a spare ball just in case one wasn't enough. Maybe I'll do a second one with it. I need to check my gauge on this. I'm thinking it might be a little on the small side. It is pretty stretchy, though. I love it and I think it's beautiful.

Peanut started at her new school last week. It's tradition for us to take a photo on her first day. She wasn't overly excited about doing it, though. Her new school is proving to be a great place for her to be. She actually woke up on Saturday and asked if she could go. That never happened with the old place. They have a different them each week. Last week's was the States. On Thursday, they talked about Mt. Rushmore. On Tuesday this week, they're tie-dying shirts. I can't wait to see what she comes home with.

The divorce is final in 4 days. That's crazy to say. I know my checkbook is thankful this is all coming to a close. As I'm reminded constantly, it won't come to an end until October 2021 when Peanut turns 18. I'm thankful for the wonderful friends and family who helped remind me that dignity and grace are way more important than anything else. I'm celebrating with friends after the court appearance on Thursday. On Friday, I'm off to a much needed weekend vacation. I cannot wait!!!

12 Days and Counting....

I have my day in court on the 28th. It can't come soon enough. I'm so over all of the emotional crap and this is just the last stop in the journey to divorce. I might even have a little summer fling ready to start soon after. Nothing serious, just someone coming out of the woodwork after a long time. Surprising to me, really...but the best things tend to be that way, right? As my good friends say, I deserve someone nice who will treat me with respect. After all the drama, I'm so game for that. We'll see what happens.

I finished another hat for Dulaan. I'm working on a third. I have photos, but they're trapped in the camera. All the USB ports are in use backing up data and charging Grace at the moment.

The last two weeks have been kind of upside down here. Peanut's school had to unexpectedly close. As if the poor kid wasn't dealing with enough change right now. I had to do an unplanned day care center tour of all those close by. In the end, she was the one that chose which facility to switch to. None of them offered everything I wanted and they each had their own cons. She's super excited to start at her new school and she already has a little friend that attends there. It's quite a bit more for her to go there, but we always make do with making the budget work. It's a much better program education-wise and they also make sure to include community service work in their curriculum. That was a big selling point with me.

I'll close with a photo from our last trip to the zoo. They're opening a new giraffe viewing area where you can feed them crackers. I'm hoping we can get back again soon to see that.