"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams

That pretty much sums up the last few years. And I think it's my new philosophy for the next year. Every part of my life is crazy right now. Must be a full moon with high tides because Peanut has become difficult, 24x7. In talking with my friends with kids her age, it's not just her. It doesn't help, but it makes me feel better about holding off on that exorcism. We're in the middle of sorting, purging, packing, moving. It's a little overwhelming at the moment. Work is crazy as we migrate from Novell to AD and Notes to Outlook. It's a lot to handle right now. So many, many changes.

Three weeks ago, I had my first date since early 2002. It was fun. We saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I was having a particularly cute day...and it was good. Very good. We're kind of letting things play out as they will. I don't have a life plan and with the divorce only having been final a month, I'm really just looking for someone to go out with here and there.....but I have to admit, I had forgotten how much fun a good kiss can be. :)

The last two weeks have been tough. Each time I think I'm nearing the end of the bad crap, something new piles up. I'm dealing with it by just going through each day and kind of living with blinders on. It's too much to think about all at once...and I will certainly be buying a Mega Millions ticket. All of the crap could magically go away with a winning ticket. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure would buy some peace of mind. Well, and a 2007 Ford Shelby GT 500 Mustang. Santa, if you're reading my blog, I'm not picky. I'll take the Vista blue coupe with the white stripes. Or whatever...

We move this weekend. As I was promised, this will be the easiest move I ever make. Peanut's room was painted last weekend (Storybook Purple) and the cable guy was out on Tuesday. (We got a DVR!!) I'm really looking forward to some quite time on the new balcony. The cavalry comes in Saturday afternoon to move the furniture. I'm expecting to have 90% of the boxes moved on Friday. Saturday night will be spent eating pizza and drinking lots of beers in the new place with good friends. I shouldn't label them "good friends" they are "Great friends". More like family than friends, really. And I am thankful for them.

Quicky Post

We're in the homestretch of the Season of Change here a Chez JB. Peanut and I will be moving in the next month. That means a lot of packing, decluttering, cleaning and destashing...and purging. There, I said it. A good portion has already been completed and now I just have Peanut's and the spare room to tackle. Looks like we'll be going from 1980 sq ft to 900 sq ft. It's a good thing. Wake Me Up When September Ends has been on a mental repeat. It's definitely my mantra for the Summer.

I finally finished knitting the felted clogs for my dear friend, Jenn. Good thing I took so long with them, though. They were on vacation last week and came home to find a brass fitting had cut into the plastic pipe that feeds water to the toilet...in the upstairs bathroom...3 days before. They have a quad, so it's been an interesting spread of water damage. They are fully insured, but it's been a very emotional thing to work through for them. So, if I'd previously given her the clogs, they probably would have been ruined...along with her three favorite wool sweaters. I found a cute raglan pattern in the Knitty archives that I might try to do up for her to replace one of them. The restorers are working on the two irreplaceable items damaged: her Grandmother's antique table and their wedding album. They know they're lucky to have a home and that the damage wasn't worse, but it still sucks to watch her go through it all.

Peanut's off to spend the day with her cousins and to give me a much needed mini-break. First thing I plan on doing it showering...alone. She's been keeping vigil on the side of the tub if I do it while she's awake. She's super excited about the move, but I know she's had a lot to deal with over the past year and we're treading lightly. I have seen a great deal of improvement in her acting out and odd behavior since switching to the new school. That's a huge relief. I think she'll be back to "normal" once the move is over and we're in a new routine....right about the time September ends. See?

I'm working on knitting socks for FNJ. She's been amazing and I don't know if we would have weathered everything as well as we have without her. I'm using Tofutsies yarn and 2mm needles. Man, they are working up slllllooowwwww. I'm getting something like 10.5 - 11 stitches per inch. Nothing like jumping in head first with tiny needles and thin yarn for my first pair of adult socks. I'm doing a toe-up sock with beaded rib. No photos as of yet, but FNJ just loves what I've knit so far. I don't know that I'll knit with Tofutsies again. It's really splitty and I guess with the way I knit, one strand kind of bunches up...it's annoying. I love the fabric, just not the hassle.

I need to get a cake in the oven. One of the little dudes next door is having his birthday party today. His actual birthday was yesterday. Peanut and I got him a little digital camera. I'm excited to say that he was just as geeked about that as the DS mom & dad got him. Excellent gift idea for a seven year old.

Thanks for checking in!

Blessings

On July 5, 2003 at 1:50 p.m., we were married.
On July 5, 2007 at 1:50 p.m., we were divorced.
I'm still laughing at that. What are the chances??

This post is about blessings.

I am blessed with a beautiful child that I would not have had I not been married. A child that continuously teaches me about patience and the wonder of the world. A child that for all of her "I can do it myself" statements throughout the day, still cries for her mama at night. A child that softly snores while snuggled in bed with me. A child that reminds me daily that I'm beautiful and that she loves me, all without prompting. I've come to decide that she will be the only child I will ever have and I am thankful for her.

I am blessed with the wisdom to know better for next time and to pay more attention to those annoying red flags. They are red for a reason.

I am blessed to have lived through some tough times and come out knowing that there's a lot of truth in the sayings, "This too shall pass." "Everything happens for a reason." and "It all works out in the end." It may not be apparent at the time, but it will be eventually. I am blessed with the patience to not worry about things I have no control over until there's something I can do to change it. No need to waste my energy on it.

I am blessed with an amazing family. A familythat would love to say, "I told you so." But says, We love you and we are proud of you, instead.

I am blessed with an even more amazing inner circle of friends. Friends who drop everything to come to my aid. Friends that insist you become part of their family and get miffed when you don't understand that you're always invited to everything without being told. Friends that use the key to your house to sneak in to decorate it. Friends who make sure the evening of your divorce is jam packed with lots of fun. Friends that celebrate an event that is usually considered sad. Friends that are quick with a hug or a beer, if necessary. I've never been more understanding of "You find out who your friends are..." than in the last 9 months.

I am so blessed.

There is no hate. There are no angry feelings anymore. Time heals all wounds (another truth for sure) and my time to be still has passed. In fact, I feel nothing. It's such an odd place to be. There's no love, no hate, just nothing. As odd as it is, it's a wonderful place to be. I've worked hard to be here and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm practicing saying "ex-husband" rather than "husband", it's a habit that I know will be broken quickly. As a part of my identity (wife) goes away, part of me that I lost four years ago has come back brighter than ever. Music is sweeter again. Driving is fun again. Laughing is easier again. At least three people have told me that the Janette that they've known and loved for years is back and they've missed her dearly. I've missed her too. I feel like years have been lifted and I'm younger.

Phase I - the Breakup is complete. I've weathered it with my grace and dignity intact. I've set a good example for my child and I'm proud of myself. That's what's most important, I'm so proud of myself. And thankful for the friends and family who were kind enough to know when I needed a hug or a get yourself together lecture. Thankful for those that didn't back down when I pushed back. So thankful for those that knew I needed to be checked on daily. That I needed to be surrounded by the love of their families and distraction of joyful encounters.

I am thankful for those who are taking another look at our relationship and realizing it is much more than just a friendship.

I am blessed and I so am thankful for my life.

Shedir is Shedone!!

It only took me 8 months, but I finally finished Shedir this morning. It's definitely the most complex pattern I've completed to date. It was the first time I've yanked the needles out of something other than stockinette and ripped back. About 10 rows had to be undone because I opted to only follow one line of the pattern when it came to shuffling stitches around. Some of the double decreases could be a little smoother, but I'm quite proud of it. I used the Rowan Calmer the pattern called for, but in an off white color. I bought a spare ball just in case one wasn't enough. Maybe I'll do a second one with it. I need to check my gauge on this. I'm thinking it might be a little on the small side. It is pretty stretchy, though. I love it and I think it's beautiful.

Peanut started at her new school last week. It's tradition for us to take a photo on her first day. She wasn't overly excited about doing it, though. Her new school is proving to be a great place for her to be. She actually woke up on Saturday and asked if she could go. That never happened with the old place. They have a different them each week. Last week's was the States. On Thursday, they talked about Mt. Rushmore. On Tuesday this week, they're tie-dying shirts. I can't wait to see what she comes home with.

The divorce is final in 4 days. That's crazy to say. I know my checkbook is thankful this is all coming to a close. As I'm reminded constantly, it won't come to an end until October 2021 when Peanut turns 18. I'm thankful for the wonderful friends and family who helped remind me that dignity and grace are way more important than anything else. I'm celebrating with friends after the court appearance on Thursday. On Friday, I'm off to a much needed weekend vacation. I cannot wait!!!

12 Days and Counting....

I have my day in court on the 28th. It can't come soon enough. I'm so over all of the emotional crap and this is just the last stop in the journey to divorce. I might even have a little summer fling ready to start soon after. Nothing serious, just someone coming out of the woodwork after a long time. Surprising to me, really...but the best things tend to be that way, right? As my good friends say, I deserve someone nice who will treat me with respect. After all the drama, I'm so game for that. We'll see what happens.

I finished another hat for Dulaan. I'm working on a third. I have photos, but they're trapped in the camera. All the USB ports are in use backing up data and charging Grace at the moment.

The last two weeks have been kind of upside down here. Peanut's school had to unexpectedly close. As if the poor kid wasn't dealing with enough change right now. I had to do an unplanned day care center tour of all those close by. In the end, she was the one that chose which facility to switch to. None of them offered everything I wanted and they each had their own cons. She's super excited to start at her new school and she already has a little friend that attends there. It's quite a bit more for her to go there, but we always make do with making the budget work. It's a much better program education-wise and they also make sure to include community service work in their curriculum. That was a big selling point with me.

I'll close with a photo from our last trip to the zoo. They're opening a new giraffe viewing area where you can feed them crackers. I'm hoping we can get back again soon to see that.

Absenteeism

Sorry I've been MIA here recently. To say I have a lot going on would be the understatement of the year. Everything in life is changing except my family & friends. Work, life, Peanut, even the house...not much I can say about any of it right now. Don't fret, Peanut changing is just the normal growing up stuff. She's fabulous.

Here are some photos to make up for my lack of postings:

2 squares were knit for Laura's Rebuilding Greensburg project. I just peeked in on Laura for the link and saw that her Father-In-Law passed away over the weekend. Good thoughts and prayers are being sent to the Bunny Hutch. (Caron Simply Soft Tweed in Grape - love it! it's a little short on yardage for my liking, though)

Peanut completed swim class and got a certificate granting her permission to take the next class. It'll be scheduled for some time this summer.

Well, that's all you're getting for now. Blogger's being weird and won't let me post any other photos. I finally completed one of the 5 items for The Dulaan Project for Grandpa's birthday (way back in March). I'm 1/3 of the way done with a 2nd item. Using a vacation day to cover sick time does wonders for simple projects that need some finishing up. Stress is not good for a body and I'm learning that one the hard way. Oy. This too shall pass, right?

31 R O C K S ! ! !

I don't think I have ever celebrated a birthday as much as I have this one. It started Wednesday night. Some of my family came to watch Peanut's swim class. After class I got presents and a trip to DQ. I had forgotten just how good a blue raspberry freeze was. Thursday was the actual day. I got taken to Claddaugh for lunch. During my department celebration, flowers from Peanut were delivered. They are beautiful! I've never seen carnations arranged so well and I never knew they could be as fragrant as these are. You could smell them from the hall before you even got to my cube. They are now gracing our dining room table at home. The Fabulous Neighbor Family had cake and presents for me at their place that night. I had 9 little kids circled around me singing Happy Birthday. It was a great moment. I got a little teary eyed. Friday night, a group of us went to The Melting Pot. Heaven, pure heaven. It took us 4 hours to get through dinner. It was awesome. So relaxing. I felt like an adult and not just Peanut's Mom. They had Sinatra playing. The lights were dim. The drinks were awesome and the food was amazing. Highly recommend it. Saturday, I got more presents and taken out to dinner to TGIFridays. More drinks. Great food. If you go, get the donuts. They're so worth it!! Saturday night wound down with a party at my house. Good friends. More good food. Lots more drinks. Not too many, but LOTS more drinks. Sunday was a repeat of Saturday, but with fewer drinks and ending quite a bit earlier.

And the presents!! Holy cow!!!

By far the biggest present I got was from FNJ. She used my house key without my knowing to let herself in. She spent several hours doing the Spring Cleaning that was put on hold because Mister was ill and unable to visit Peanut. The woman loves to clean. It makes her happy to clean. Initially, I was a little mad because I don't want anyone cleaning up after me....but then she told me how she wanted to do something nice for me and this was something she was good at and she knew I was stressing about getting it done. I have never had anyone do something so nice for me. Never. The house is beautiful. I can't thank her enough. And yes, I got teary eyed over it. I am so blessed to have such wonderful neighbors.

On Wednesday night, my family gave me a gift. It's something I never expected or thought I would need, but I am thankful for it. I am now the proud owner of a tent. A camping tent. A 10x13x72", sleeps 5 people camping tent. Let me just say that I've been camping exactly twice in my life. The first time was 5th Grade Camp and we stayed in cabins with running water and electricity. The second time was in high school when I went to Girl Scout Camp as a PA. We stayed in platform tents with cots that were very near the bathroom/shower facility. So, camping is generally not high on my list. Now FNJ, they camp. They love to camp. They've invited Peanut and I to camp with them this summer. I called up Aunt and asked to borrow their tent as I know they are well equipped for this sort of thing. She agreed and I figured I'd be done with it. Nope, now I have my own tent to camp whenever I want. 31 is my year to have fun and try new things, so we're starting with camping I guess.

On Thursday, I got to open my gifts from Peanut. She, Grandma and Aunt Peanut went to the new Dollar Store to shop. Aunt Peanut tells me she insisted I needed the yellow flyswatter with the giant flower on it. Kid's right. We didn't have one. Now I have one that's pretty as well as functional. I also received a cool magnet photo frame, a new magnetic shopping list and four coordinating magnets. A personal fan with the American Flag on it that lights up when it's run. Some cool hair clips and a bath scrubby on a long handle. There were many more goodies in the bag, but I can't remember off the top of my head. Thursday night, I opened the gifts from the neighbor kids. I've developed quite a little fan club. They each painted a container and a figurine for me. They are darling. They will soon be gracing our mantle. I'll post a photo soon.

And the yarn....I got some beautiful yarn from Knitpicks. I got two skeins of Memories in Rocky Mountain Dusk. Two skeins of Dancing in Hula and two skeins of in Campfire. I also got some new circs for Magic Loop and the new Harlot book. I'm about halfway through it and I'm really mixed on it. I'll save my comments for when I've finished it.

I really needed this weekend. Peanut was visiting Mister, so I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself. Friday night, I finally felt like Janette again. Janette's been missing for a very, very long time. Sunday morning, I was reflecting on the last few days and felt so much lighter. The world seems brighter. The divorce will be final in June and life moves on...and it's a such better happier life! 30 was all about transition and growing. Quite honestly, it sucked and I was glad to see it end. 31 is the first year of the second third of my life. I am so blessed to have people that love me and appreciate me in my life. The last year has has some really dark times, but now the sun is shining and "Tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun".

PS A drunken trip to the grocery store Saturday night netted me a bag of Hershey kisses in the new confetti flavor. Love them! They are white chocolate with candy bits mixed in. I have a thing for Hershey kisses and all the different flavors, so these were an extra special birthday treat.