Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Identity Crisis

I doubt there will be any knitting content in this post...I did post the preemie bootie pattern separately for ease of printing and such. See that below for a fiber content fix.

Ok, I graduated from college in May '99. I thought I was pretty cool at that time. Music was my life. I had several thousand dollars (estimated 6 - 8) tied up in my CD collection. Just as much in my concert ticket stubs, plus the memories that came along with them. I never missed BNL when they came through town. I paid $100 to see Madonna from nose bleed seats and didn't bat an eye at the price...and recently, I've been thinking "where the heck did that Janette go?" Would I trade in Mister and Peanut for that life back...um, no..but I hate feeling like my life only began when the gold band hit my left hand. Maybe it's just part of getting older and moving into another chapter of my life, but it's kind of sad. I used to have a reputation for being the fastest drinker of all of my friends...and in an odd way, I was proud of that. In the last year, I've had maybe 3 drinks. Mister has never seen me inebriated. That just blows my mind. I spent so many of my nights in college laughing and being stupid drunk...and it's like a distant faded memory. Now...I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a computer support associate. And I just keep thinking, what happened to me?? My awesome SIL was talking to me about how so many women lose themselves once they become mothers. I totally identify with that. Now, this doesn't mean I want to be silly drunk at a rock concert every weekend...but once a year might be nice. I'm not one to feel sorry for myself and that's not what this is...it just feels like the old me is like a good friend that's moved across the country and is now a distant acquaintance. There's gotta be a way to combine the new life with the old. I think I may start by replacing the Kids Sing Along tape in the car with my favorite Beatles mix tape. Peanut's musical education needs to expand beyond the Kidstown Singers and the Teddybear's Picnic. Every journey begins with a first step....

1 comment:

Laura said...

I enjoyed reading this post and want to reply with a great comment. Unfortunately it's 3:30am and I'm too sleepy to be witty. Not that I'm even that witty to begin with!
Don't worry you haven't lost yourself. You're just evolving into the future Janette. I understand your longing to be young for one night. I've lost my well I guess I would say my college years. I haven't done anything most 23 year olds do for the past year. So, I completely understand.
Just remember how lucky you are to have your gorgeous Peanut and your great hubby. =0)